Fortune Correction™: Parental Edition

My folks went out for Chinese, and I guess they were less than happy with their fortunes. My mother's email said "see what you can do with them." I'm afraid their meal gave me indigestion:

Mom's Original Fortune:
"One learns most from teaching others."
Correction:
"One burns most from eating nachos."
Sorry, Mom, try Pepto Bismol.

Dad's Original Fortune:
"Luck helps those who help themselves."
Correction:
"Luck belches at those who belch themselves."
Sorry, Dad, try Tums.

Fortune Correction™: Upper West Side Edition

At a recent dinner at Shun Lee, Raoul received a rather ridiculous fortune, especially since he was neither drinking nor driving that night. I fixed it for him on the spot:

Raoul's Original Fortune:
"Don't drive if you are drunk. Don't drink if you are going to drive."
Correction:
"Drink."
Cheers, Raoul.